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Recap on a case from 2013-Long Lost Daughter

 

When Long Lost Family started to air, many viewers were caught up in the journeys played before them in the form of an episode. The highs and lows. Sadness, frustrations, tears and joys in searching for a loved one. Something that is hard to convey within the allotted programmed time, is the amount of years, and years of agony that some people have gone through, and the efforts they have made.

Sometimes, even when contact with a Long Lost Family member is made, it can take lots of patience and mediation until they finally agree to meet.

We wanted to share Pauline’s story of her search for her Long Lost Daughter. In her own words, because this is an example of someone who had literally done everything she could think of. Until she had a consultation with Finder Guru that changed everything.

Finding My Long Lost Daughter

7 years ago Nicola came into my life and started me on a miraculous journey I thought would never happen.  I had been searching for Lisa, the baby I gave up for adoption in 1968, but up until that time had no success. Here’s my story.

My reasons for wanting to contact Lisa were simply to let her know that she was a very much loved and wanted baby, but my parents forced me to give her up as I became pregnant after being given drugs by a man on a canal barge. I was 16 at the time.  I never took drugs and was unaware of what was happening. As a very naïve schoolgirl it was not until I felt her moving inside me that I realised I was pregnant. I thought the dogfish I was dissecting for A level Zoology was making me feel sick! However, in those days my parents’ good name in the village was most important and I did not dare argue with them when they told me the baby had to go.

I was  sent away to a relative in the country then to a home where I stayed for 3 months until I gave birth in May 1968. I held Lisa in my arms for a precious 7 weeks and one day but have carried her in my heart for over 50 years.

I took her to Lancashire & Cheshire Adoption Society on Rodney St, Liverpool on Thursday 25th July 1968 and set her free.   I was put into a room alone and a lady called Mrs Bellis took her from my arms. She walked out and closed the door. When she returned after giving her to her new parents she asked if I wanted to meet them and I said that I did. Although it was very upsetting to see someone else holding my baby, the joy on their faces and the love in their eyes was the comfort I have carried with me over the years. The last glimpse I had of Lisa was in a carry cot in the back of an open topped sports car being driven away from the adoption society. I was even more reassured then that she would have a good life, as I only had a push bike!

I returned home, an empty shell, to a newly decorated bedroom and sat down and wrote her a poem. I still have it.  I also still have the birth card from her hospital cot and one bootee which I had crocheted (she must have kicked the other one off!) I still have the cards I received when she was born and even have the teat from the bottle with which I gave her a last feed on the way to hand her over, although it’s just a perished blob of rubber now!

Although I went on to have 4 more children, they have always known that somewhere out there they have big sister called Lisa. Her photo has always been on my wall alongside the others, the only difference being that until now it had never been updated. She was still 3 weeks old.  Nobody puts MY baby in a corner!!

I was always worried that she would go through life thinking she was unwanted and abandoned by me. My wish was not to ‘upset the apple cart’ so to speak, or cause distress to her or her parents. I left my contact details with the adoption society and updated them when I married and moved house. I put my details  on the Norcap Contact Register ( now held by PAC-UK )  as soon as I heard it was possible to trace adopted children and parents. My name was on their register for many years but nobody contacted me.

I contacted the TV show Long Lost Family and was interviewed but not selected for the programme. I was concerned as so many of the adopted children on the programme wondered why their mother had sent them for adoption as if they were unwanted so I didn’t want Lisa to go through life thinking the same.

Nicola gave me some really sound advice and told me that I could go through an Adoption Intermediary. She did all the work finding the most suitable agency and cost efficient path for me, and came with me to my interview to support me. The agency took all my details and Lisa’s birth details and we were given a mediator.  After a lengthy search Lisa was found. However, sadly she had just had the news that her Mum was terminally ill and promised she would get in touch once she was better equipped emotionally to deal with things.

After a year or so, Lisa asked the mediator for a letter, so I wrote a very friendly letter, enclosing photos from her birth and a recent one, and telling her all about myself, the story of her birth and adoption, and all about my 4 other children. Lisa didn’t reply to the letter in writing. I think she simply didn’t know how where to start!

My First Christmas Present From My Long Lost Daughter

 

I left my Facebook profile on public so I could easily be found and eventually on Christmas Eve 2018 I received a message from Lisa introducing herself. It was the best Christmas present I ever had after 50 years!

long lost daughter

Pauline with her Long Lost Daughter Lisa.

Even though it was over 5 years since I started this journey with Nicola, I still excitedly rang her and we both cried happy tears. She has always been by my side in this. All the twists and turns, I’ve been able to ring her.

At first the messages between Lisa and I were friendly but formal, however they quickly became fun and full of love and emojis. I never suggested meeting up as I wanted it to be Lisa’s decision. Nicola had coached me so well through the whole process over several years. She always told me I must let Lisa lead, and not push too hard or rush things.

On 4th July 2019 Lisa came to stay with me. By then it was 6 years since my consultation with Nicola. There were no tears, just laughter and hugs. We spent 4 days together and it was as if we had known each other all our lives. She also met two of my other children. My youngest daughter just said “She is ‘US’ isn’t she?”  I could not have put it better myself. We had champagne and loads of fun going out to celebrate. Lisa brought all her adoption papers to show me and photos of her life. I was so grateful to her parents for giving her a happy childhood. My long lost Daughter had been loved and cared for so very much.

 

A few weeks later Lisa came again with her partner Mike and met my other Son. We had a fantastic weekend and have since been in regular contact with visits to each other’s homes as she lives less than an hour’s drive away.  I have now also met Lisa’s daughter Amy and her partner Jack. In November 2019 my Son got married and for the first time in my life I had all my 5 children and 5 grandchildren together at the wedding and we all love Lisa.  She’s like my best friend now.

I can’t thank Nicola enough for starting the ball rolling for us. I can’t imagine life without Lisa and I’m sure Nicola will be able to help many more in our situation. She’s a lovely lady, very friendly and approachable and has a wealth of life experience and I wish her well.

Pauline xx

To find your Long Lost Family, contact us HERE

To read the story of someone else who made a Long Lost Family application, click I was in my 70’s when I found out I was Adopted